unexpected life, pregnancy through obesity

As of tomorrow I will be 30 weeks along in this pregnancy.  Or the last week of my 7th month. We have found out the gender of the baby, and picked out a name.  We are trying to put together a nursery for our little miracle.  This pregnancy has been so much different than my pregnancy with my daughter almost 9 years ago.  All the symptoms are different, my body is so very different than when I was 25.  But its so much more than that.  Knowing this is the last baby I will hold in my body, knowing this baby was a miracle.  It makes everything different.  I still cry tears of joy over this miracle.  I take joy in every single little kick or baby flutter.  I sit and rub my tummy and just tell him how in love with him I already am.  I look over the baby items we have for him, and just touch them and think about what my baby will look like.  And I thank God constantly for this gift.

Even though I am almost 8 months pregnant, and I gained 75 lbs with my first pregnancy, I have only gained 25 lbs with this baby.  I work every day to be healthy.  I do not want to gain back the whole 60 lbs I lost last year.  I do not want to struggle to keep my blood pressure managed, and I most definitely do not want to develop diabetes.  I work out 5-7 days a week.  I ride my recumbent exercycle, I lift small hand weights, and I walk.  I drink smoothies to make sure I am getting enough fruits and veggies in my diet, and I started a veggie garden in my back yard.  I cant wait to harvest!  So far all my efforts to stay healthy are going pretty good!  I still allow myself the occasional bowl of chips, or ice cream.  Most importantly though, is the happy face I see with both my regular OB and my High risk Dr.  My blood sugar has been tested twice through this pregnancy, and so far its looking fantastic.  My blood pressure has had a few minor issues, that I work very very hard to resolve.  I am learning my body does not like traveling in a car over long distances, and this effects my blood pressure greatly.  I am also learning my body LOVES working out, and reacts very positively.  Both drs are always suprised when I sit up from the table with no effort.  I keep telling them, I have been fatter than this, this weight is easy for me to carry.

The baby is getting big, and he does take up alot of room.  Some days i struggle with breath, because he is up so high in my tummy.  It makes it very very hard to walk on those days.  I find however than riding my bike on those days is much easier because he is not so heavy to carry on my bike.  What makes me so proud of myself is that, I have not given up.  I havent stopped trying to stay healthy.  I havent done like I have done in the past, and use any excuse to stop working out, and binge eat.  The down side of all this however, is that I am very very hard on myself.  I wish i didnt gain any weight.  I beat myself up when i have a hard time breathing.  And i know i do this, because i remember what it feels like to be so unhealthy, and I am so afraid i will let myself get that way again.

In other news, I have shut down my portrait photography business.  This choice came very easily to me.  Much easier than I thought it would.  My baby, My health are my number one priority.  My daughter, husband and nieces who rely on me are also a huge priority.  I cant focus my energy on all these things and still even try and manage a business.  I felt some guilt because I just got a new expensive camera before Christmas, and havent used it much.  But I also feel fantastic joy when i do use it, to capture family and life events.  I also take great joy in working with my first passion, nature.  And I take great comfort in knowing my husband always supports all my decision, and also has always been such a hard worker, and takes care of his family, so their is no financial burden by me closing Rivera Artistry.

I always count on God's timing for everything.  I rely on his plan, that is unknown to us, to push me in the right direction.  And I thank him daily for his many many blessings.  This month alone, not only do we celebrate the 8th month of this pregnancy, but my daughter turns 9, my husband graduates from his masters program, and my little sister marries her soul mate.  This unexpected life, is a miracle.